Not good

Dec 28, 2003 by Lyanna

The Man has just left and that makes this house cold, empty and lonely. I still can’t get used to it, no matter how hard I try. Last week was okay, cause I had a very busy week at work and hardly any time to eat, let alone think at night before I crashed into bed. But he’s been here for five days on end and now he has to leave again because he has to work tomorrow. I hate it. I really do. It is an abruption I’ve come to dread.

I don’t want to be this dependent on him. I am not really, I mean, my life goes on, I do my thing, I take care of things that come my way, but it’s no fun. I miss having him sit at the computer, I miss having him next to me in bed, watching tv while I am reading or dozing. I miss cooking for him, the way he walks past me and touches me or kisses my hair in the meantime. Just these tiny little things that make life so comfy and warm when he is around.

Last night we were calculating what we could spend on a mortgage (wow, it’s actually quite a sum!) and what houses we could get with that. It’s amazing. Especially the houses in the area of Zeist (little town near Utrecht) were wonderful. We got very enthusiastic. Houses in this neighbourhood are more expensive, but there are still nice things to be gotten too. I just hope that in three months or so he will be able to move in with me and from there on in we will see what we can do. Also, if he can get a job somewhere near Utrecht, that will be fine too. I am not stuck here in Delft. We will find a way, I know it. But waiting takes so awfully long